I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that I get over-excited (obsessed?) when I start something that I’m passionate about. I was listening to Cathy Heller’s podcast Don’t Quit Your Day Job on the episode “How to Raise Your Upper Limit & Make Messy First Drafts” where she talked about the book The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. Apparently, there are three zones:
- Zone of Competence (You’re pretty good at it, so you do it; You’re capable)
- Zone of Excellence (More than capable, you’re great; Tons of compliments; You’re doing so awesome)
- Zone of Genius (If God was the author, and you feel like the pen; It feels like the infinite)
When I’m planning for my podcast Relentless, I’m right there in the Zone of Genius. It’s the same place I was in when I used to sing at my church with Jonathan, when I felt like I was sharing my personal prayers with everyone around me. I feel like I’ve struggled the most with my spirituality since I’ve moved to Texas—Jonathan and I moved here, and we really struggled to find a church that felt like home for us. But I share that because singing at church was where I was in my Zone of Genius for years, and for a few years since I’ve moved from California, I have been in my Zone of Competence/Zone of Excellence, but haven’t been able to find a place where I could perform/be in my Zone of Genius.
I had accomplished everything that I thought would make me happy: financial freedom, my own space, and a career I wanted. But I felt emotionally lonely, unfulfilled, and empty.
My soul was thirsty for fulfillment, and while everyone told me that I was great/amazing at my job, whether bedside nursing or administrative, I couldn’t find that place in my soul where I felt connected with the thing/being/universe that connects everything together.
I owe a lot of my creative fervor to Julia Cameron’s Artist’s Way, a book that revolutionized how I looked at my creative outlets. I’ve untapped a well that has been nothing but abundant, and have experienced a level of spirituality that I thought I only could feel singing for church.
For the first time, I was praying again, writing again, playing with art again, singing again. It was phenominal. All because I listened to Julia Cameron, and started listening to myself.
So, for the past one/two weeks, I have been molding what I’ve imagined into actual, physical things—all thanks to Jonathan’s encouragement and help with his knowledge of equipment and technology. He’s helped me to set up a recording station at home, the podcast blog, and this personal blog (when I finally decided that I wanted to share my personal journey in a separate place).
Since all that has happened, I’ve been writing my ideas, drafting, recording, and typing like crazy. This podcast (my first project, really) is something that I am incredibly passionate about. I want to share it with the world, and I want it to grow into something so huge, that survivors of CSA won’t have to look under rocks to find what they need for themselves. I want it to grow so large that no one has a choice but to have a conversation about it.
And while this also scares me incredibly, for the first time, I’m going to be open with everyone about what I’ve been through, so that I can get to the people who need this to the most.
I’m finally at a place where I can talk about what has happened, and about child sexual abuse, without feeling the same pain I did when I was 17 or 21.
I prayed to be an instrument of grace and peace, that I could share nothing but good. And if it helps one person, it would still be very much worth it.
Thank you for being a part of my journey! ♥
